Content Harry Potter Crossovers
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Why do these things happen to me?

"Cool!" exclaimed Harry, dropping his backpack on the tiled floor.

"No' bad, eh?" came Professor Moody's growl. Harry had noticed that unlike the fake Moody, the real Moody's Scottish accent got thicker the more excited he was.

The gleaming statue-like object that stood before the group was indeed a sight to behold. What looked like a cross between silver and mercury had been molded into the form of a muscular man. It closely resembled Michelangelo's 'David' in physique, though only two meters in height and it was clothed much more modestly. Around the neck was a simple pendant, with a single stone on a gold chain. Harry's attention was drawn to the stone occasionally, when it flashed with inner fire. In each hand, a single block of the same material was held tightly. These blocks gave the figure an unfinished look.

"So this statue can fight?" Harry asked almost breathlessly.

"Golem, Mr. Potter, not statue." came the clipped, precise tones of the Transfiguration Professor.

"Sorry, Professor." said Harry.

Snape sneered at him, while the headmaster waved the distinction away. "Since golem creation theory and usage is not taught until seventh-year, don't worry about your ignorance in these matters Harry. You of all people should know there is a vast difference between ignorance and stupidity." said Dumbledore.

"An' t' answer ye question, aye, it can fight." added the grizzled DADA teacher, his good eye gleaming with excitement.

"It can do more that that, Alastor," said Dumbledore. The headmaster turned to Harry with a smile on his face. "The golem also has the ability to cast spells, certain curses, hexes and charms. Mostly combat focused, I'm afraid."

"Why is that a problem?" asked professor Sprout.

The headmaster gave her a sly look. "Because one of our number here has proven to be fairly effective in magical combat with only simple, common, non-combative charms. Enough so that the Dark Lord is now the Lord of a lot less." Dumbledore turned to face a fiercely blushing Harry. "Remarkably effective, really."

Professor Snape coughed and drew his wand. "Regardless, we should test its capabilities now, rather than just talking about them." The oily professor gave Harry a glare. "Is there a reason a student has been invited here? Whatever happened before, luck or planning, Potter here still hasn't gained the experience we have."

The assembled faculty turned to Dumbledore for an answer, only to find the headmaster looking to Professor Moody, obviously waiting for the same answer.

The DADA teacher stomped up to Professor Snape, until he was almost broken-nose to hooked-nose with him. "Aye. Having a golem that only teachers can face isn't going to help much. I'd like to test it by putting a student against it, but I'd also like that student to be one that is likely to survive, should something go wrong."

Snape swallowed nervously, Moody's magical blue eye staring straight into Snape's dark ones, seeming to read his life story from the back of his skull. For almost a full minute, the pair of Professors were caught in the strange tableau, animosity radiating from both.

A discrete cough distracted attention. "Alastor, Severus, please." Dumbledore said.

Snape and Moody both moved backward, easing the palpable tension in the room. "Since you seem to be quite confident of your 'experience', why don't you try it first, Snape?" growled Moody.

At this, all the spectators present stepped back, leaving Snape and Moody in the middle of a ring of observers. With an evil grin, Moody also made his way out of the circle, then turned back to face the ex-Death Eater. "Whene'r y' ready, laddie."

Harry had rarely been so engrossed in any magical proceedings as he was that afternoon. He had watched Professor Snape duel magically with the golem, awed at the aptitude the Potions Professor displayed in that art. The one time Harry had seen Snape duel was against Lockhart, and that had hardly been a test of capability.

Snape had again started with the disarming spell, which did nothing to the golem. One of the blocks in the golem's hands had formed itself into a vague wand-shape at the beginning of the duel, and since the wand it now held was part of the whole, the disarming spell failed.

The golem's responding spell had been deflected by Snape's hurriedly erected shield, but that was the last time the golem had the upper hand.

His almost serpentine movements gave Snape an aura of grace that was subtly hypnotic. Twice, Harry had to shake his head to clear away the slight feeling of drowsiness.

Professor Snape had quite quickly and effectively put the golem on the defensive, testing the limits of the golem's magic. Once the duel was called to a halt, the silvery golem was brought back to its original position, ready for another teacher to take a turn.

Professor McGonagall had taken over from the Potions master, and Harry had been stunned at his head of house's tactics.

Transfiguration was quite obviously Professor McGonagall's strength, as she transfigured items to restrain, attack, trip and distract the golem. Time after time, the golem would counter the attacks, but after each attack, it was in a worse position than before.

This sort of magical combat was one Harry had never even considered, had not even thought existed. With a shudder, he thought back to his duel with the Death Eaters, and realised that if even one of them had tried some of these tactics, the result would have been much different.

While the rapid-fire transfigurations were non-lethal in nature, the effect of them was astounding. Snape's assaults had left the golem with some damage, (which it had healed itself) but McGonagall's dueling tactics had distracted her opponent to such a degree that she had not found it necessary to defend herself from a counter attack.

Hagrid had been brought on next, holding a massive quarterstaff in one hand with which to test the golem's hand to hand fighting capabilities.

The half-giant made it seem that the golem didn't in fact have any such capabilities.

While Harry was thoroughly enjoying the proceedings, Professor Moody was getting grumpier and grumpier.

"What's the matter, Professor?" asked Harry, as Professor Flitwick dueled the golem, using only charms, no curses or hexes.

"This thing cost more than your godfather's house, and it hasn't even made one of the teachers break out in a sweat." he said disgustedly.

"Why don't you give it a go?" asked Harry.

The smile Moody gave Harry was easily the most evil Harry had ever seen. "Because it cost more than your godfather's house, Potter. The headmaster would like to get more use out of it."

Harry watched the tiny Charms Professor battle the golem with interest. The stone in the golem's necklace continued to flash occasionally. Harry turned back to his DADA Professor.

"Professor Moody?"

Moody continued to watch the duel, but his blue eye swiveled around to look at Harry.

"What is the necklace around the golem's neck for?"

"That's its focus. The stone holds instructions, powers and information the thing uses."

"I assume that is what made it cost so much."

That statement drew Moody's full attention. "Aye. How did you come to that conclusion?"

Harry shrugged, and looked back to the battle in front of him. "There are plenty of similar objects at Hogwarts, like the suits of armour in the hallways. They don't have the capability of adjusting to attacks like this golem, so I'd say that the development of the focus stone, including tactics, knowledge and power, would be the most costly item by far."

Moody grinned again. "What about the golem itself? You don't think that it would have cost a pretty galleon?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm sure it in itself was expensive, but I studied elemental guardians when staying with Voldy. The magic required to shape and reshape something like water into human form is complex, but embedding it into an object is inexpensive. Only the material the golem is made from would have had a major impact on the cost. Since the obvious magical material such an object should be created from is orichalcum, even if the golem was made entirely of that, it wouldn't cost one tenth of my godfather's house."

The DADA Professor shook his head in despair. "Damn, I wish you were in Slytherin. We'd have won the house cup the last five years if you were there." The grizzled professor looked up at Harry again. "Don't take that personally."

Harry grinned with delight. "Not at all. I often blame some of my thoughts on my inner Slytherin."

"I didn't think any student here would have recognized orichalcum on sight. It is very rare."

A sudden thought struck Harry, and a realisation clicked in his mind. "Is there any left from what you impounded after the raid?" he asked with a grin.

Moody's grin disappeared in a flash. Both eyes stared straight at Harry. "Please tell me you just figured that out now."

Harry's grin vanished just as quickly, and he swallowed, then nodded, his heart beating rapidly.

Moody closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. He leaned over and whispered into Harry's ear. "Good. Only fo-, five people know where the orichalcum for this golem came from. I thought for a second there may have been a leak." He leaned back.

Harry thought he heard something like '...wasted on a Gryffindor.' muttered by the teacher. His lack of faith in coincidences once again validated, Harry smiled.

Each of the teachers had their turn against the golem except Professor Moody. Disappointment was evident in nearly all faces. While Harry thought he had learned a remarkable amount from just watching the proceedings, it was obvious that the Hogwarts' staff felt that the golem had not been a worthwhile investment.

Madam Pomfrey had left less than a quarter of the way through the proceedings, stating that she had work to do, and could make better use of her time than watching a mindless object getting beaten up.

"Your turn, Laddie." said Moody, his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Show us what you can do."

Harry grinned and stood up excitedly. He opened his backpack and extracted a long bundle, wrapped in cloth. With deft fingers, Harry quickly unrolled the bundle, revealing two sheathed swords.

Harry reverently ran his hands over one, a long, thin sword sheathed in a lacquered scabbard. With a sigh, Harry picked up the other blade, and unsheathed it. The saber he had used for much of his training with his unnamed instructor under Voldemort sat in his hand comfortably.

"Does the golem have the capability to-, oh, never mind." Harry stammered, as he saw one of the blocks of metal in the golem's hands extend to form a similar blade.

Rolling his shoulders to loosen them up a bit, Harry stepped up to the golem. The comforting weight of his wand rested in a wrist sheath, Harry had bought the item as soon as he saw it. No matter the situation, his wand could be in his hand with a single thought.

Harry assumed a sparring position, one foot in front of the other, standing on the balls of his feet, twisting slightly to one side to present a smaller profile. He and was pleasantly surprised to see the golem take a similar stance.

Professor Snape sneered at the boy as he took guard before the golem. It was becoming harder and harder for the Potions master to keep up his obvious veneer of hatred for Potter.

That boy had been a constant pain in his life. Ever since he had first laid eyes on him, September 1st, 1992, sitting at the Gryffindor table, it had caused Snape pain to look at him.

The only child of the greatest witch in history. Not the most powerful, but the greatest. Lily Evans had been Snape's first crush, his first girlfriend and lover, and the person who saved his soul from the darkness of Voldemort. It had been Lily that brought him back from the Dark Lord's clutches, her sparkling green eyes an anchor to the light. Her love for such a wretched man as himself had forced Snape to reevaluate his life.

She had married Potter just out of school, and even Snape had to admit the two of them were madly in love. Snape still had nightmares of the pain he felt in his heart when he heard the news that she had died at the hands of his former master.

Died protecting this boy.

That first instant he heard Potter's name called five years ago at the welcoming feast, he had looked in desperation, hoping to see Lily's beautiful features in her son.

Fate had obviously overlooked him, since the only thing of Lily's in the boy was his eyes, taunting him with the memories of his love, framed by the youthful face of his greatest rival. In one irrational moment, the Potions master of Hogwarts had decided that the son of Potter had no idea of just how special his mother was, and that he obviously took for granted her sacrifice to him.

For years, just looking at Potter would cause him pain. The boy probably felt hard done by, probably felt that he was being treated unfairly. It hadn't mattered, it was a way of covering the pain those emerald eyes brought to his heart, and he would do it for as long as Potter was a student.

Then he had been framed, and sent to Azkaban.

It had taken both Dumbledore and Pritchart to restrain Snape from charging down to the dungeons and killing the boy with his bare hands. While the incident had been glossed over as extreme stress on Snape's part, Vincent had been a member of his own house after all, he knew it had nothing to do with who had been killed.

Snape had thought that Potter had betrayed Lily's memory.

Now, the thought that he would have willingly killed Lily's innocent child sent shivers of dread down his spine.

Being forced to work with one of his boyhood enemies had initially been painful for Snape. At the time, he had hated Harry more than he thought possible. It had been Sirius to bring him down from his rage, who forced him to focus on what needed to be done.

Slowly, and reluctantly, Snape had found himself first respecting Black, then, surprisingly, even starting to like him. The grudges from their school years had faded to a point that they could even share a small laugh at the pranks they had pulled on one another.

When Dumbledore had proclaimed Harry both innocent and lost to the dark on the same day, Snape had felt curiously empty. The fact that the boy had eluded him at his muggle relative's house had baffled him. As he made his way out to release the headmaster from the muggle devices on his ancient wrists, a strange feeling had crept into Snape's heart.

It had taken a while, but he had eventually identified it. Pride.

On discovering that Harry was spying for Dumbledore, the feeling had grown slowly, but surely. The boy had been a very effective agent, had even saved Sirius from capture without giving anything away to the Dark Lord.

Then, he had escaped Voldemort's clutches, and literally eviscerated the Dark Lord's forces.

It was after that that Snape discovered that Potter and Granger had in fact been instrumental in his embarrassment a couple of years before, aiding Black's escape from the top of a Hogwarts' tower.

At the time, the rumours were right, the loss of an Order of Merlin had hit Snape hard, but what really rankled was the fact he had no idea how Potter had managed to thwart him. The thought that a Gryffindor had outsmarted him was almost intolerable.

The fact that he had been outsmarted by Potter was more tolerable now, since the boy had outsmarted Voldemort himself, not to mention escaped from Azkaban and ejected the then Minister Fudge.

More and more, Snape was having to force himself to appear to dislike Harry. It amazed Snape that he was now thinking of the boy as 'Harry', not 'Potter'.

The first potion lesson he had with him since his exoneration (Harry was again sitting next to a Weasley! Was there no end to them?) had been a mixed affair. The two had had a lively debate on the various properties of a particular potion, a debate that the rest of the class had watched in horror.

To his initial horror, and eventual delight, Snape had found that Potter was in fact a talented potion brewer. During the debate, Snape kept having to remind himself to keep up his usual mask of disdain.

Snape had insisted that Harry stay behind after class and stop interrupting the class, but instead of giving Harry a detention, he had given him extra work. While he had sneered and told the boy that If I get you up to the level of your old class mates I won't have to deal with you for as long, the thought of having such a skilled assistant for his experiments had him flexing his long fingers with excitement.

Harry had not disappointed. Between them, they had improved a half-dozen standard potions, in either duration, effectiveness or cost to brew. Though their debates had been loud and long, Snape had been surprised to discover he was enjoying his sessions with Harry, and the boy didn't seem to mind them himself.

It took all of his considerable discipline not to smile with pleasure when Harry had given him some of the texts Narcissa Malfoy had taught him from. Harry had not been aware that some of those books were single copies, thought lost.

Professor Snape shook his head, and focused on the present. Harry stood in front of the golem, in a stance from which he could launch an attack or defend with equal ease. They had been standing like thus for several moments.

Finally Harry spoke up. "Why doesn't it attack?"

Before Snape could offer a sarcastic reply, Moody responded in his gravely voice. "Because it is up to you to make the first move."

Harry frowned. "Why, that makes no sense. A student here is more likely to be attacked, not attack first."

Snape spoke up. "Look, Potter. If you don-" he was interrupted by a bright flash of light from the focus stone.

A distant voice, hollow and sounding like something from past the grave followed the light. "POTTER?" it exclaimed.

The golem's head snapped to attention, and with a blur, its sword arm flashed around at neck height to Harry.

Harry flinched at the sound of his name and crouched down, preparing to either transform or leap clear. A sensation of movement and a blur overhead distracted him from doing either.

The golem stepped forward in an attempt to slice at Harry after its failed first strike. Harry launched himself backwards and out of range of the flailing golem.

Three spells struck the golem in the chest from different angles. Spells that had brought shudders and disorientation to the creation before, simply had no effect now. Harry scrabbled to his feet while each and every teacher in the room launched an attack.

The combined forces of every professor knocked the golem backwards, though it managed to keep its feet. With a hollow growl a shimmering wall of light rose from the floor. It rose in the shape of an ellipse, cutting off any help. In less than a second, Harry was trapped within a force field which surrounded both him and the golem.

Harry crouched down and rubbed his chin, thinking furiously. He had watched with fascination at every tactic the other teachers had come up with, and was probably now a better duelist than he was the last time he and Voldemort met.

Only now, he didn't have his 'toys'.

In his peripheral vision, Harry could see the teachers desperately trying to dispel the shield around him. No sound was coming through, so he had no idea what spells they were trying. Looking directly at the golem, Harry coolly took in as many details as he could.

The golem was striding towards him, and Harry again leapt away, this time to the left. The golem's sword crashed down on the stones where Harry had been crouching a couple of seconds later.

There's the first thing. Harry thought. He may be fast, but his reactions are bad. Any competent swordsman would have compensated for my movement before dulling his blade on the stones. He groaned as the chipped edge of the golem's blade healed itself.

Harry stepped forward into the golem's range, his mind noting with dry amusement that from their expressions, all the Professors outside the shield all seemed to think that was a bad idea. With speed rather than damage in mind, he flicked the edge of his sword along the face of the golem, then slashed at the golem's right arm, nicking its wrist. Harry quickly stepped back and watched as the golem's sword blurred through the places he had stood a second before.

Slow to react to assaults, but blindingly fast in offense, Harry thought. "Pity my saber doesn't do much more than mark it." he muttered to himself.

The focus stone in the necklace was now glowing constantly. Thought and action occured simultaneously. Feinting to his right, Harry paused to wait for the golem to strike there before darting to the left. With an almighty heave, Harry swung his sword down onto the golem's unprotected neck, aiming at the chain.

With a pearly ring, the blade connected to the golem's neck, and Harry used the immobile golem to push against, putting even more distance between them.

Harry turned and watched with dismay as the golem flashed its blade through the air. The focus stone still attached to the unbroken chain around the golem's neck. "Unbreakable charm." Harry muttered to himself.

"Yes, boy. You cannot stop this automation." the hollow voice sounded. Harry realised it was coming from the focus stone.

"Perhaps not, but you haven't come close to killing me, and your shield is losing power." Harry taunted, desperately hoping it was true.

"True. I will stop wasting time." said the voice, and the blade in the golem's hand shrunk to the size of a wand. The golem pointed it straight at Harry.

"Bugger." said Harry, with feeling. As the first spell was shot at him, Harry duplicated his actions on the night he crept into Gryffindor Tower.

Ducking to the side, Harry then leapt forward in a crouch, closing the distance between the dueling pair. Lashing out with his sword, Harry deflected the golem's arm so the next spell crashed harmlessly into the glowing barrier. Still crouching, Harry pivoted and lashed out with his leg at ankle height, striking the golem exactly where he struck Dean Thomas.

Where Dean had his ankles smashed together and then crashed to the floor, the golem merely staggered a bit, and took the opportunity to again point its wand at Harry.

With an inventive curse, Harry managed to roll out of the way enough that the hex fired at him simply grazed his arm. Not knowing how else to distract the golem enough to put more distance between them, Harry threw his sword at the focus stone.

Predictably, this did nothing except distract the golem enough that his next attack was directed at the sword, which shattered. Harry rolled to his feet gracefully, ignoring the protesting he received from his now damaged foot.

"Don't kick the golem, right, got it." he grimaced to himself. with a thought his wand slipped into his waiting hand.

Figuring that Professor McGonagall probably used the most effective tactics, Harry started casting restrictive spells at the golem. A quick Serpensortia created a large snake that Harry directed to entangle the golem's legs. Harry removed a piece of string from his pocket and threw it at the golem. With a flick of his wrist, Harry had transfigured it into a rope, and managed to use levitation charms to tie the golem's hands to its side.

With each and every attempt at restraining, the golem simply used brute force to extract itself. The poor snake had been torn into pieces, and the rope simply snapped.

The vines Harry conjured were withered and broken. The impedimentia charm slowed the golem only momentarliy. A localised mini tornado had little effect, and a swarm of insects were initially ignored.

Surprisingly the last spell gave Harry more time to think than the others. While the insects themselves could not do any damage to the golem, they could blind it with their bodies. Harry gained a precious few seconds to think of another plan.

Watching the golem flail about at the insects, Harry thought back to the lessons he had learned at Hogwarts, the lessons on unbreakable charms.

An unbreakable charm on a piece of glass will make that object very durable. It cannot be bent, crushed, stretched or twisted. Professor Flitwick's voice came to him.

Harry remembered the lesson well, since Ron had cut his finger on one of the unbreakable glass objects Flitwick had brought in. To ensure it didn't happen again, Flitwick had...

Harry leapt to his right just as one of the spells fired randomly by the golem sped through the space he had been occupying.

With a grin, Harry stood and faced the golem. He hoped this would work.

--

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