TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Friday 17th November 2006 1:41pm for Used

Bummer.

gunny

Patches posted a comment on Tuesday 11th April 2006 6:13pm for Used

Of course. Harry has gone with Voldemort but I don't think he will stay. He is too smart to think he is safe with Voldemort. Thanks for writing -- on to the next chapter! pms

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Wednesday 15th February 2006 12:23pm for Used

Okay, the ralph was justified, even if it didn't happen.

I do hope this is all Harry's plan. I know Harry won't go over really to theDark, but I do want this to be all pre-meditated.

His talent for dredging up hatred thoughts to fight dementors should serve him well instead of occlumency training.

I still want to hurl though, your story is just that gutwrenching.

Quizer posted a comment on Tuesday 14th February 2006 1:11pm for Used

I don't like this story so much. Apprentice Potter and its sequel seem of a much higher quality to me. This story is full of plot twists which seem crude, clumsy and overused. Especially the decision to join Voldemort in this chapter.

I'm willing to buy that Harry isn't ready to believe Dumbledore at this point. But the decision to join neither party would have made much more sense. Even if he didn't want to disclose his animagus secret, he could have pretended to join Voldemort, and then escape at first opportunity. You might argue that Harry might not be able to think clearly enough for that, but if everyone is against you and your survival instinct is pressed, your mind can work with amazing clarity.
On another note, I'm not buying the amount of freedom Voldemort seems to allow Harry. He should be much more skeptical of how deep Harry's allegiance towards him really runs. Luxury he would grant him, but he would also have guards in front of his door and people watching him at all times. The last part of this chapter at least indicates the latter, but Harry would still have no trouble to flee.
I'm aware that this has been written before AP and it's sequel, and that your writing ability has probably greatly evolved since then. Tell me what you think of my critique.

Quizer

Draco664 replied:

Thanks for your critique. You've highlighted a couple of the things that make me cringe when I re-read this fic.

It was my first ever fic, and I wrote it a chapter a day, posting each without betaing, and sometimes without spell-checking. I did everything wrong when writing it, and I was amazed at the response I got.

I did learn from it though, and my writing has got better. Thanks to people like yourself, who take the time to intelligently critique a fic, I will get better still.

Thanks again,

Draco