Betrayal of the Best Kind
Quizer posted a comment on Tuesday 14th February 2006 2:52pm for Exit
I've finished reading the story now. I must say I'm surprised, in a nice way. There are a couple of interesting twists in the story that increase the overall quality enough to make it a worthwhile read, for example the fact that Harry was planning on betraying Voldemort right from the start, the use of Buckingham Palace as his HQ and the use of a mixture of simple magic and muggle tools to deal death to his followers. Harry dying and being reborn due to his phoenix characteristics is also a very original idea. The way it is explained in one of the beginning chapters that only the first transformation is painful indicates that at this point, a permanent change occurs in the user. This is consistent with several related things in the story and an interesting take on the whole animagus thing which sets it apart from several other stories I've read.
The execution of the ideas is heavily flawed however. I have to agree with another reviewer here, Harry's trial is so poorly done that an infant should be able to prove him innocent. I must give you credit however for remembering the loophole that allowed Fudge to imprison Harry and not simply 'forgetting' it in the second trial of this story.
I'm sure I don't have to list all the flaws of this fic to you; having come as far as you have, you should be able to spot them yourself. Parts of this story could probably gone over and reworked to be more convincing, but several of the twists are not feasible enough to do this for the whole story in a straightforward and easy way.
Your spelling is excellent for something which has not been checked over by anyone, but as you said, there are a couple of mistakes in there. Most of them are minor, but the following exact quote really caught my eye: ;)
"The James and Lily were already dead..."
Don't concern yourself overmuch with this story not being perfect; every writer has to start somewhere and I admire your bravery for sharing those first steps with us. I'd be delighted to see updates to "Journeyman Potter" in the near future, which is one of my favorites on this site network and a far cry in comparison to this story. See you there soon!
AK posted a comment on Friday 30th December 2005 2:26pm for Exit
Too fast too easy.
The beggining was much better than the average Azkaban story (ie imprisoned for reasons a toddler could argue against in court) but then I think he forgives way too soon and too easily. The story is good but in my opinion the last chapters handicap it
Energeezer posted a comment on Saturday 17th December 2005 7:36pm for Exit
I freaked out when I discovered it disappeared from ff.net. :(
Mara Flynn posted a comment on Saturday 26th November 2005 3:36am for Exit
Powerful. I must confess, I read the short sidetrack with Fawkes first because I was tired. And being intrigued had to come read more of your fic(s). The story was intense and kept my interest from beginning to end! I will be checking out more of your fics in the future!
quizgirl posted a comment on Sunday 20th November 2005 3:05pm for Exit
I liked it. I wouldn't mind if he stayed angry at Ron and Hermione forever, but he's not Harry for nothing.
My favourite part was when he jumped off the cliff and the people's reaction to it. If only Hermione hadn't figured it out so quickly!
exile posted a comment on Monday 31st October 2005 4:42pm for Exit
There's a sequel, right? *goes too look*
Manatheron posted a comment on Thursday 27th October 2005 5:42pm for Exit
excellent story! I Imagion that there will be a continuation at some point if voldemort should manage to re-gain enough followers, but I don't much see that happening..
I am wondering however if you, or any of the authors here would be interesting in a Post HBP Challenge, it's only the beginning of it that would follow any semblence of order, outside of a few minor restrictions (Like only one 'Special' ability) it would pretty much be an open challenge... regardless however, Keep up the excellent work!
dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Thursday 22nd September 2005 12:29pm for Exit
You pulled off some nice twists. Excellent work.
Adam posted a comment on Wednesday 14th September 2005 2:51am for Exit
A great story. I really enjoyed how you put it all together.
Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Wednesday 15th February 2006 3:36pm for Exit